A little something extra...

After I just finished typing my last post and had logged off of my blog my friend came into the room and handed me a letter. It is from one of my best friends from home. It's weird how you can be thinking or talking about one thing and then something happens that is directly connected to it. That makes me so happy :) it makes me feel like there is a higher power watching out over all of us and taking part in our lives.

Secret 9 - 4/4/10

This secret made me smile because it reminds me of the relationship I have with all of my best friends from home. We all became close our junior year of high school. We lived, breathed, and ate each other. Okay, I know that sounds kind of gross but we literally did everything together. We always go on adventures together. Some of my favorite memories are the ones of us driving around town at night because there was nothing else to do. We find a confidence in ourselves when we are together. We bring out the best in each other because we can do or say anything and still be best friends at the end of the day. My friends are my happiness. They are my home. They are my life. I wouldn't trade them for the world. I love you guys.

Secret 8 - 4/4/10

One of my friends passed away ten days ago. It was really hard to come back to school and try to find normalcy. We all wished that we could have a few more days to grieve. When we got back to school on Monday we had three whole days of canceled classes due to the flooding after the rain. I know that this was a sign. I believe that it was his way of telling all of his friends that he is still watching over us. For anyone who is going through a hard time out there, this is my sign to you.

Secret 7 - 4/4/10

I can also relate to this secret a lot because I was searching for happiness for a long time. Leaving for school was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I am so close with my family that a long time after I left I regretted my decision to leave. I was so miserable and heart broken being away from home. I blamed my location, the people around me, anything to not take responsibility for myself. Then one day I decided that enough was enough. Either I was going to make positive changes in my situation or I was going to transfer to a school closer to home. After multiple journal entries and two years of contemplation I decided to let down my guard and enjoy myself. This semester is the happiest I have been since I graduated high school in 2007. It took some time but I finally figured out that I had control of my life and my happiness the entire time. I'm not keeping up as many walls and I am putting myself out there more and more each day. I am so thankful for this realization and I cannot be grateful enough for this change. I can finally, honestly say that I am happy.

Secret 6 4/4/10

The hardest thing that I've ever had to go through was losing one of my best friends. We drifted apart when I left for college. It really hurt to lose someone that I was that close to and someone who I had considered that great a friend. I dwelled on our relationship for a really long time. I still think about it to this day. I always wondered what I could have done differently. Was it my fault? Should I have said something? There were so many times that I wanted to contact them. After years of regret it dawned on me, to quote Marilyn Monroe, that "sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together." Even though I think about our relationship a lot I have realized that the experience has made me who I am today. I know how to handle future relationships and I've learned who the people are that really matter to me. Although I am still disappointed I've started to allow myself to move on.

Secret 5 - 4/4/10

This secret made me stop and think about my life, my experiences, my relationships with others. My favorite part about those relationships are the silly or crazy times we share together. In our "absurdity" we are more true to ourselves then at any other moment. To be able to share that absurdity with someone else is truly amazing. That is when I feel most comfortable. Because it means that people love me for me and not the person I have to try to be. I constantly try to please others but as I'm growing up I'm realizing how important it is to be yourself. I know that sounds cliche` but I really believe that you can't help anyone else before you help yourself. These moments of absurdity define my life and I wouldn't trade them for the world. They are some of my happiest memories.